Life after Death

In my last blog I described how it's possible to fly down stairs with only minor injuries.  This blog of a different sort, and describes the accident that most changed my view of myself and my life.  I've had a lot of accidents in my life, but have only had one turn out to be fatal...and this is the story of that event.

When I was 14, I got one of the dumbest ideas I've ever had - and I consider myself world class at coming up with dumb ideas.  The dumb idea?  I decided to get Red Cross certified as a life guard.  That's something thousands of people have done, and maybe it doesn't sound so silly.  But, I was about 4 foot 9 inches tall, and weighed maybe 80 pounds after a big meal.  So, physically I would have struggled to rescue a small wet dog, much less a real person.  The second thing is that I'd never had a swimming lesson in my life, and didn't know the first thing about proper swimming technique.

None of that deterred me in the least, especially since my big sister Ingrid was taking the class too.  We went to the local pool the first evening, and signed up with 40 other people to take the class.  The instructors were interesting - two big beefy guys just out of the Marines, and right away I could tell they were wondering why I was there.  I think they thought I was the kid of one of the real students at first, and that I was just going to watch from the sidelines.  I made sure very quickly that they understood that I was there as a student, and that I had every intention of completing the classes and getting that treasured certificate.

The Red Cross offers a standard curriculum for training life guards across the US, including a nice book and handouts that tell you all about how to save other people without getting yourself drowned in the process.  Not getting drowned is the biggest challenge when you try to save someone.  Drowning people are always in a panic, and they will literally climb up on top of you, or get you in a death grip if they can.  So, a big part of the training is how to approach a victim, get them into a hold that is safe for both of you, and then swim you both to safety.  It's not easy- especially when most of the people are about twice your size, but I did surprisingly well at it..

About a third of the way through the class, when everything was going swimmingly well (sorry), the two lifeguards got bored.  They decided that the standard classes were just not challenging enough to prepare us for the real world.  They introduced a very difficult training regimen into our evening sessions.  We had to be either swimming, running or doing pushups/situps all the time.  They said that endurance and strength were critical to our future success.  That's when people started grumbling behind their backs and some people quit.

I have to admit it was hard work...harder than anything I'd done before, but I wasn't going to give up no matter what.  And besides, if Ingrid could do it so could I.  After an evening session, we would walk home together and eat a whole loaf of bread between us.   We were like starved animals all the time, but the exercise was starting to have it's effect, and we got stronger and better at our swimming and rescue work.

The real downward spiral of our class began when the lifeguards once again reviewed what we were doing, and had a brilliant idea (at least they thought it was brilliant).  They decided we should wear clothes while we did our training - tennis shoes, blue jeans, and a long sleeved sweat shirt.  The swimming and exercise was already hard, but doing it fully clothed was incredibly difficult.  I think that their experience in the Marine Corp had caused some significant skewing of their view of what was normal and expected.

The very first evening of when we were to begin our training this way, I brought my clothes in a brown paper bag, and my dinner in another bag.  I was very worried I wouldn't be able to swim with the clothes on, and I asked them if I could practice in the pool before class began.  The way it worked is that the pool closed at 6 pm, and the classes started at 7 pm.  So they had a one hour break for their own dinner and paperwork between.  They said ok, and then went to the pump house office to do their daily work and eat their meal.

There was no one else in the whole pool complex and the water was glass smooth.  I put on the clothes, and got into the shallow end of the pool.  It just felt wrong to be in the pool with shoes and clothes on, but I forced myself.  However hard I thought it was going to be, the reality was worse.  It was very hard to kick effectively and swim, and just try raising your arms out of the water to swim a crawl when you have a sweat shirt on.   I finally decided to move to deeper water and try swimming all the way across the pool.  I did fine for a bit, but was getting very winded and losing my rhythm.  Somewhere in the middle of the pool, I did a very bad thing.  I took a full breath while my face was in the water...I still don't know why.

Taking a full breathe of water is usually not a good idea, and in my case was no different.  I realized immediately that I was in serious trouble.  I fought my way to the surface to yell, but couldn't make the slightest sound.  I couldn't breathe, couldn't call for help, and in very short order could not even stay on the surface any more.  In total panic I sank towards the bottom and knew I was going to die.

I continued to thrash around ineffectively for awhile, but gradually my movements slowed, and I came to a complete stop.  I remember my feet hitting the bottom, and a great sense of peace replaced my panic and fear.  Things got dark, and I couldn't see anymore...but I really didn't care.  Then I heard an amazing sound.  It grew louder and louder, and completely filled me with it's vibration.  Much later in life I heard Tibetan prayer bowls, and realized they are very similar to this sound when you "ring" them by rubbing a stick around the rim slowly.

The sound was like a magnet, and in total darkness I started moving towards the sound.  Not swimming, but somehow just moving because I wanted to move.  As I moved that way, I saw a dim light ahead.  The closer I got to it, the brighter it became.  It was a golden, yellow, warm light...and I was totally drawn to it.  At one point I felt like I was being pulled along down a shimmering tunnel of light, and then I came out on the other side.  I immediately realized that what I had seen was not a light.....but an entire universe of lights.  These lights were orbs of the same golden color, each shimmering and radiating their light.  It was their individual lights that was creating the light I had seen from afar.

The other thing I felt immediately was being totally bathed in complete, unconditional love, bliss, and connection.  I realized that each light was in fact another person, and that they were welcoming me home.  I knew I'd been here before, and recognized many, many beings there as people I'd known before.  I was also filled with a huge relief that I was home again after a tough journey.  I continued moving slowly through the lights, and knew that I was a light just like them.  It's hard to describe just how wonderful the experience was, but it is forever burned into my brain and heart.  I don't know how long I was there, but it seemed like days.

Then without warning, I was moving very rapidly backwards out of there.  I awoke lying in the grass beside the pool with my face in the dirt.  I was scratched and bleeding from being pulled up over the concrete edge of the pool, and had been throwing up water and my recent dinner.  I was completely confused for a few seconds, and then realized I was back here and had left the other place behind.  I jumped to my feet, and have never felt such rage and anger in my life at being brought back.  I was a very well mannered, quiet boy...but not then.  I screamed at both of the lifeguards, calling them bad words I didn't even know I knew, and started kicking and punching them both.  I don't need to get into all of it, but I'd had some really challenging times in my life, and was extremely unhappy to be back here again.

Clearly they were caught by surprise - after all they had just saved my life.  They just kept pushing me away, and then one of them got me in a bear hug and lifted me off the ground until I stopped struggling.  At this point, I was so filled with sadness for the loving place I'd just lost that I just went limp and sobbed with my hands at my sides.  I'm sure they must have thought I'd gone totally insane...and maybe I had. 

They then told me their story.  After I said I was going to swim, they went back into the pump house.  Some time later, one of them said he felt something was wrong.  He went outside and looked at the pool and the area around it.  He said the water was calm, and that I was nowhere in sight.  So, he decided that I'd changed my mind about practicing and had gone home for dinner.  He went back inside and continued his paperwork.  About 5 minutes later, he again got a strong feeling that not all was well, and went out again to look around.  Still not seeing anyone, he walked over to the deep end of the pool, and saw my body at the drain in deepest water.  Apparently, my body had slowly drifted down the bottom to the drain.  He called for help, and they jumped in, pulled me out, and were able to revive me after a lot of work.

As I regained my senses and my temper, I went into a form of shock.  Shock from being oxygen deprived for so long (they estimated 15 to 20 minutes under water).  But also shock at being back from a place I so loved, to one I didn't love so much.  I began to wonder if maybe what had happened was just a crazy dream of some sort, but I knew in my heart it was very real.  Maybe even more real than here.  But I just kept my mouth shut about my experience, and instead asked them if there was any way they'd be willing not to tell my parents about it.  They readily agreed, and I now understand it was because they knew they'd get in a bunch of trouble if anyone found out they'd let me swim without any supervision...and I'd almost drowned as a result.

By the time they revived me, I had to have been dead for at least 15 ro 20 minutes...plenty of time for brain damage which starts after 2 minutes.  I'm pretty sure that I did suffer some brain injury, but one of the nice things about brain damage is that you don't really know you have it.  I do know I had a much better memory and total recall before that day, and I wasn't so good at that after.

The impact of that evening has continued to change me throughout my life.  I didn't tell anyone about what happened for 25 years or more, but I couldn't help but see my life and the world in a very different way.  I was no longer afraid of death, and understand that it is just a transition to a much better place.  But at the time some of my experience was very troubling for me.  How could I have known so many people there, and why did I know I'd been away before and come home before too?  

We were raised in a traditional Christian family, and I'd never heard the word reincarnation before.  But when I came across it years later, and I knew that's what it was about.  Not in the way that many might think though.  The "me" that went through the tunnel and went home was not so much like the "me" here.  The essential elements are the same, but the personality I have here just dropped away, much like my scrawny little body did too.  I also understood that all people are connected through love and compassion there, and that we search for and long for that connection here.  That sure knowledge of the love that awaits me has been a lifelong comfort to me here.

In my own lack of understanding and maturity, I decided at that age that my religion was just wrong about too many important things.  I stepped away from it, and began studying every other religion to see which one was "right".  I didn't find one that matched my experience, so I rejected them all for awhile.  Then I finally realized something.  I was studying religions like I was panning for gold.  Except that I'd throw the whole pan back in the water because it contained some sand, and was not all gold.  Now instead, I see that every religion has gold nuggets, and all do also have some sand.  So they are all good in some way - and not so good in others.  All can be helpful for our growth and betterment as human beings - and learning to understand what is true or for ourselves.

I'm not trying to say anyone's religion is better or worse.  I just think they all are doing their best to describe the same thing from different perspectives, and do so in different ways.  One thing I am very sure about though is that the ones that think they are the only ones with a ticket to heaven are seriously confused.  There were no Christians, Muslims, or Jews where I went...only wonderful caring beings who hope for nothing more than to love and be loved.  I hope this doesn't offend any of you who might read this, and I'm only describing own personal experience.  I respect and honor everyone else's point of view, and I've found that arguing or debating doesn't help or matter.  After all, we are all taking whatever we believe on faith or our own experiences.  The most important thing is to do our best to help and love each other while we are here, and to give that love unconditionally.

So...back to the lifesaving class before I end this.  I did end up learning to swim with the clothes on without drowning, and eventually completed the very difficult test at the end to get my treasured certificate.  We had to swim three miles in our final exam in our clothes to prove we were worthy.  In the end, only three of us out of the originally 42 graduated.  My sister Ingrid was one of the three too...so don't ever underestimate just how tough and determined she is.  The two lifeguards were fired at the end of the season for changing the training to make it so hard - the city got a lot of letters of complaint from the people who dropped out.

To this day, I don't remember the names of the two teachers...and I'm ashamed I never said thank you for saving my life.  I was angry for a long time at having to be here again, but now I know that they gave me a great gift by bringing me back - even though I thought it was against my will.  Now I do my best to spend each day in gratitude that I did get to see what I saw, and that I still have a chance to experience each day here as the treasure that it is.  I'm not in any hurry to die, but know that one of these fine days I will be going home again...and I will smile all the way there.

Lessons Learned:  Life is simple, just listen to your heart.  Sometimes when you sign up for a lifesaving class, you get exactly what you signed up for.